Monday, November 06, 2006

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

This is the first birthday I have had where I actually feel older. All the others have come and past with out much thought. Sometimes I would still wish I was a little older so I would be taken more seriously by older people and not called a baby, especially at work. But with this birthday, I feel it and its a little scary. Im now a quarter of a century...that much closer to 30. Not married and no kids yet...not what I had planned out as a younger Jen. Im not complaining though...just realizing that life doesnt always work out the way you planned. My clock is ticking...time for babies, Im getting older. Yikes!

On the other hand age means nothing. I also noticed this at my birthday party when one of the oldest women there acted the most childish. Nothing like someone coming to your party to bash your other girlfriends and then get mad at the birthday girl of all people. But I didnt cry oh no...we just drank and danced some more. Ahhh

Friday, August 18, 2006

Brain spew

For some stupid reason I always feel pressure to have a funny post. I guess its because the friends I have that blog are well...funny. Im just not a writer who can be funny or even entertaining. Im a realist people and Im not sorry for that. I don't sugar coat things and sometimes I get in negative moods and this is my outlet. I am an angry writer. I write when I am down, sad, frustrated, jaded and full out furious. If you dont like it, dont read on!

People have really pissed me off today. I have realized that I might be a little too easily hurt by the people in my life: friends, family and boyfriend. I can't stand people who are two faced. I dont like that some people are still connected to my circle when I want them out. I can't stand people who define being a good person by their religion but can be rude and hurtful to others and not even think its wrong because the person they are being rude to doesnt share their faith and therefore is deserving of lesser-than treatment. And I dont even care that that was a run-on sentence or that I just started a sentence with "and".

And why do people have to die. Why does a healthy 23 year old guy have to get cancer and why does that great guy have to die at 26? These are questions that have no answer but I want to ask them. The world lost some of its laughter when he died, its not fair. Sometimes being a grown up sucks; I dont like having to deal with grown up stuff.

The fact is...Im not perfect. I dont have a perfect relationship. I dont know what I want to do with the rest of my life. I'm not always in control. People die. It hurts. I hurt. And I dont like it.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Screaming at the top of my lungs

For those of you who do not know me, you may be shocked to hear that I do not handle being bored well at all. I don't.
I'm like a little kid, not ever able to sit still for any length of time. ADHD maybe? No, I think that there is just too much to see and do out in the world and I can sit around and do nothing when Im old and grey (yikes, I will dye my hair for sure).
So now I want to be entertained and its almost 1am. Yes, I have tried t.v. and its lame. Yes, I have read books (2 already this week). Yes, I have surfed the net (but you can only handle so much youtube).
Basically I am having a pity party for myself and I am taking you with me.
Ok, but here is some good news. I read a really great book called "Running with Scissors". It is worth a read before the movie comes out.
Well I suppose I have wasted some time with this, the lamest blog ever, so I will go to bed now.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

I said dance bitch

I look drunk here. I'm not. Maybe its because Phil marched my ass on to the dance floor and made me shake my groove thang!

P.S.) Although I'm sure you'd totally rock New York, I dont want you to go. Phil, you are awesome!

Anni Banni you are so bright eyed and your energy is contagious! No wonder you can manage to pick up a guy within 5 mins of being in a line up!

P.S.) You are like the rubber and fuckwit is like the glue! (You know that saying right?) Well anyway you really are like rubber because your ability to always bounce back amazes me.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

One Lazyass blogger

My man and his buddy were trying to out-do each other on this punching thingy at the bar. He looks tough in this pic so I like it! I forgot to download the one of me punching, its pretty damn funny. I did freaking good if I may say so myself! I beat all the girls there AND one of the guys. Yah me.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Can I egg his boat?

Well I haven't been this peeved in awhile but I am so mad I could hurt someone. Preferably, I would like to hurt the person who has caused my friend so much pain. I don't care what anyone says, the way it all went down was childish and cowardly (on his part not hers). You can't expect relationships to not involve any work...and quitters get nowhere. So I hope he is having fun in Nowhereland and Quittersville. I hope it is lonely and painful. I guess its the fighter in me that makes me so angry or maybe its that I feel guilty for not seeing it coming and for not being able to protect my friend from this pain. I have seen her go through a lot of shit and ever since we were 17 I have wanted to prevent her from being hurt again.

Maybe I will go buy a few cartons of eggs and mess up his boys toys. Nah, not worth the time so I will just close my eyes and imagine the look on his face instead.

As for my friend who I love...Don't ever give up hope. The right one WILL come around. You have to be open to love to find it but don't rush anything. You WILL be O.K! Your kid WILL be O.K. And you are SOOOOO Loved!

Thursday, May 11, 2006

I'm angry

I'm angry at the kids who almost ruined the class field trip today

I'm angry that I never seem to have any money yet I went to school to get a "good" job

I'm angry that my brother is talking to someone who hurt me

I'm angry that I didnt get the summer job I wanted

Today Im just angry...

P.S. In the back of my head I am also trying to count the many things I am thankful for. And there's a lot of em. I just want to feel angry right now.